Are you a hard core OS/2er? - by Chris Wenham

ave you ever wondered how you stack up against OS/2 power users? Take this simple survey, add up your points and see how you rate. Are you a real OS/2 user, or just a cornflakes eater?

1: You've used OS/2 for:

a) A couple of months
b) A couple of years
c) A decade
d) You were beta testing it when the Macintosh came out

2: You drag and drop:

a) Colors and fonts to customize your Desktop
b) Objects to manipulate files
c) Objects to the shredder
d) Other operating systems to the shredder

3: You use:

a) Dual-boot to get into another operating system
b) Hibernate/Trapdoor to get into another OS
c) Boot Manager to get into another OS
d) DOSiX to run WinNT, Linux and VMS under Warp 4 concurrently.

4: Have you ever:

a) Downloaded an OS/2 game?
b) Purchased an OS/2 game?
c) Won an OS/2 game?
d) Sat down and ported one from Unix using the EMX libraries?

5: Your bookshelf contains a copy of:

a) OS/2 Warp: Unleashed
b) SPG's ColorWorks V2 hardcover manual
c) The entire Redbook series
d) All of the above

6: You bought a Zip drive so you could:

a) Keep your naughty pictures stored on it
b) Keep your clients' files stored on it
c) Keep your backups stored on it
d) Knock pens and stuff over by placing them in front of the unit and clicking 'Eject disk' from the drive's Desktop object

7: Your primary file system is:

a) FAT
b) VFAT
c) HPFS
d) TVFS

8: Your greatest dilemma is:

a) Whether to run OS/2 or Windows 95
b) SmartSuite vs. StarOffice
c) PMView vs. Galleria
d) WarpSans... or Helvetica... hmm...

9: The first thing you do after unpacking a new computer is:

a) See what bundled software it came with
b) Read the instruction manual
c) Browse around a bit before lunch
d) Boot it up with the Warp 4 install disk in the A: drive

10: The number 16 accurately describes:

a) Your age
b) The megabytes of memory you have installed
c) The number of major OS/2 applications you own
d) How many WarpCenter trays you have

11: Your programming skill with Rexx is at the level of:

a) Getting two programs to run one after another
b) Setting up a filter for your e-mail client
c) Updating your home page automatically
d) Running a small local government

12: You are printing a document, formatting a floppy, installing an application off a CD-ROM, downloading 3 files, listening to an .mp3, rendering a 3D scene and browsing the web at the same time because:

a) You're in a frantic hurry to complete your midterm report before the deadline tomorrow, and it's already 3am
b) You're one more goof-up away from getting a pink-slip and you're desperate to appear productive
c) Your neighbors are visiting and you want them to think you're a high-powered hotshot
d) It's a slow day

13: When buying a car, the most important feature you look for is:

a) Antilock brakes
b) Passenger side air-bags
c) CD Stereo
d) Workplace Shell integration

14: When going to the movies you:

a) Cheer for the good guy
b) Cheer for the bad guy
c) Cheer for the computer nerd
d) Squint at the screen to see if the computers they're using run OS/2

15: When you find yourself awake at 4 a.m. it is usually because:

a) You're that poor schmuck from question #12
b) You drank too much coffee late in the day
c) You don't think it's a big deal if you sleep until 11 a.m., even if it means that you'll get that big red spot on your forehead from sleeping at your desk
d) Those darn Torians are kicking your butt and you know that if you go to sleep they might take over your class 26 planet in the Kwilas system

Ratings:

Give yourself:
5 points for each question you answered a)
10 points for each question you answered b)
25 points for each question you answered c)
50 points for each question you answered d)

Now total your score and find your ranking from the following table:

Score	Ranking
0 - 100	You're the twit from the "My retractable coffee-holder has broken" story
105 - 250	"I'm familiar with computers, but not OS/2"
255 - 400	Someone could mention "WPS" or "HPFS" and you could still follow the conversation
405 - 550	You know the Workplace Shell like the back of your hand
555 - 700	You dream in Rexx
700+	You ARE David Barnes

Chris Wenham is a freelance web designer, writer and Englishman who now lives in Endicott, NY. In the past he has written comedy, sci-fi, Pascal, Rexx, HTML and Gibberish. He has been using OS/2 exclusively for the past 2 years.